This is just me trying to make myself feel better.
Even though I feel like I will wake up with an enormous hole in the middle of my chest for the rest of my life, things aren’t as bad as they feel. I am minus-one partner (which I will be mourning for an ungodly amount of time, I am sure), but I still have one partner who is absolutely incredible and loves me so much and treats me so well and I am a person who is capable of existing all on my own even if I feel like I have lost a part of myself and my yard got mowed over the weekend. So basically today has been working, crying at work because I’m sad and fuck pretending I’m not, getting Chipotle for lunch, sitting in the sun, having amazing beautiful kinkier-than-usual (what how) sex, standing on my back deck and realizing that I am in the place I’ve wanted to be for so long. I am in a big house surrounded by people that like me even if I don’t know them well yet on two acres of land with beautiful trees that drop their leaves all over the garden, I have a job making enough money to cover my rent with something left over and it is a MEANINGFUL and REWARDING job and I am learning so much, I have one fantastic partner, and a new best friend/family member (who I may not see for a little bit but she is my family and that is unconditional).