queerkink:

So, strangulation, suffocation, all of this stuff is breath control play.  All of this stuff is INCREDIBLY dangerous, and not just for the reasons you think.  Most of the deaths caused by erotic breath control situations are not caused by strangulation/suffocation itself, but of a massive heart attack about 15 to 20 minutes later, sometimes this can be the result of less than a minute of suffocation.  As well, over time lack of oxygen causes brain damage, and generally one wants to avoid that.  For these reasons, you actually shouldn’t actually cut off oxygen to the submissive.  

I repeat: DO NOT ACTUALLY STOP ANYONE FROM BREATHING.  DO NOT RESTRICT ANYONE’S ABILITY TO BREATHE.

For safe “strangulation” play put your hand above the hyoid bone (the adam’s apple), just under the jaw and press lightly upwards, the subject should be unable to vocalize as normal (though will usually still be able to talk, just not as loudly), but will still be able to breathe.  Make sure to communicate thoroughly during this sort of play with your partner, and make sure that they are still able to breath at all times. This is a nice way to give the feeling of vulnerability associated with strangling, and enjoy the power dynamic involved without having to do anything dangerous.  Do not EVER put pressure on the hyoid bone as it’s delicate and breaking it results in death.  As well the pressure should be light, the windpipe is delicate, and easily crushed, and crushing it results in death, and you don’t want that.  Also do be careful not to put pressure on the carotid artery (which runs down the side of the neck) as putting pressure on the carotid can cut off oxygen to the brain, which can cause unconsciousness, cardiac arrest and death, so yeah watch out for that.

Similarly, putting a submissive in a position where the dominant is in control of their oxygen intake, but does not actually remove their access to it can be a way to play with this as well, but requires great care.  For example, a rubber mask with a tube for oxygen access can be worn by the submissive, putting the dominant in a position where, were they to squeeze the hose shut, the submissive would be left unable to breath, but of course the dominant does not do so. This also requires clear communication during play, make sure a safety gesture is established, and watch for it closely.

Do not EVER put a cord around someone’s throat, it’s too hard to control, and too hard to gauge pressure applied.

There is simply no safe way to actually cut off oxygen to a human being, so don’t do it.  Really, the appeal of breath play is not actually the cutting off of oxygen, but the feeling of vulnerability, and that can be achieved without actually taking away the ability to breath.

I know some of you out there are going to insist on cutting off someone’s oxygen anyway, and normally I’d give you tips on how to do it as safely as possible if you absolutely must do it… but there’s no way to do this safely, or even any more safely.  So, generally, I beg of you, don’t do this.  It’s not safe.

An excellent article by an EMT on the subject

Another Nice Article On The Subject

Play safe out there.

Just now finding this Tumblr, life is awesome.

(via meowbones)

•  27 May 2012  •  76 notes

mesotheliomata:

the dirt smolders beneath our feet. 

you took three steps forwards from the driver’s seat of your mother’s car and then i was in your arms again and we both knew we were home. you are crowded punk shows and comfortable silence, black voids and the only safety i will ever know. you looked in my eyes and we didn’t even have to say anything. but you spoke anyhow.






my name will never sound as good as it does when rolling off your tongue.

—- 

you kissed me and my doubts were cremated with suicidal abandon: sackcloth and ashes, a million tons of kerosene.

—-

i know your every freckle and pore and birthmark. your fingers still know me better than i do. i needed to map out your body more than you could ever know, needed to lose myself in muscle memory and the scent of your skin. i was soaked to the bone in gasoline, drenched in petrol, waiting to burn. you touched me, and in that moment i was fire. beneath the sleight-of-hand, the tricksy thief smiles, the piles of books and hoops of mythos—i love you. i never stopped loving you.

we were siamese twins conjoined at the mouth as we crept our way to the shower. and your skin was turned to porcelain beneath the hazy miasma and flickering light, your eyes gone to mirrored, endless hallways. i don’t feel comfortable taking off my clothes with anyone else, not unless it’s in the dark, but with you i can do anything in the world. i was scared that you were a chimera, a trick of the light—but i blinked and you still stood there with your palms on my hips, black hair streaming wet over your shoulders. 

—-

we fucked for three hours and for two we made love.

your fingers curled into me and then i was shuddering with a wanton toss of my head. i just think of you and you make my blood sing. i am skin and bone, whipcord coyote curves and vicious angles rolling, ankles and wrists going raw with ropeburn. 

this is all there is of me, you know that, better than anyone. no one can ever know me like you do, no one will ever have me like you do and you tell me you love me and i am whole again, you snarl at me ask me if i’m your bitch and yes i am and i always will be to the day i fucking die even if i’m dating someone else i don’t care and neither do you because we both know i can’t love them like i love you i can’t feel for them like i do you i’m still your slut always will be and i’ll follow you to the ends of the earth and no one can fuck me like you do no one can make me come like you do you mark me with bruises and i am yours i am yours i am yours and i’m sobbing now and the blood is white noise in my ears and you tell me you love me and we both know this is an oath. these are not just words.

—-

for the first time in months, i slept fully. no nightmares. just the familiarity of your body against mine, my belly against your back. 

—- 

you will return with december, with the cardinals and cold fronts. i turn north and i try to sing you home.

•  20 May 2012  •  21 notes

I just had the most glorious vision of a BDSM wedding. I’m not even into fashion but I like this.

(via weirdlulls)

•  10 May 2012  •  3,660 notes

untidywhore:

safeword:

i hear LOADS of people, on my blog and elsewhere, telling a story that goes roughly like this:

“i’m dating this person, and i’m really subby and i just KNOW my partner could be dommy if they tried, but they keep saying they don’t want to hurt me. i tell them i WANT them to hurt me, i’ve told them a million times, but they just can’t get into it.”

sound familiar?

huge step-by-step advice post under the cut!

Read More  

resources! resources! resources ^^^^
(kink positive, obviously) 

omg so good

(via cunthulhu)

•  5 May 2012  •  274 notes

(Source: silentcircles, via spookyteen)

•  27 April 2012  •  1,644 notes

I cut up a soft, old belt and now I have a collar AND a little slapper thing! Good productive Sunday! Will there be pictures up later on my NSFW tumblr? I would bet money on it if I had any money.

•  22 April 2012  •  13 notes

Anonymous asked: kinks? limits?

I’m going to answer this but I swear to god if anyone (read: straight dudes who have never talked to me before) sends me sexual messages, thinking I’ll be into you acting like a creep to me over the internet, I will kill you. This keeps happening and I do not understand it.

TRIGGER WARNING: BDSM, pain, kinks that may sound like nonconsensual acts

Kinks, as copied from Fetlife (which I keep private okay thank you):

Begging, biting, blindfolds, blood, body hair, body worship, bondage, breast/nipple torture, breath play, bruises, choking, collar and leash, crying, D/s, deep throating, discipline, domination, eye contact restriction, face slapping, fisting, flogging, hair pulling, humiliation, knife play (without breaking skin), orgasm control, pet training, restraints, role play, sex in public, spanking, squirting, strap ons, subtle acts of submission in public, tattoos, “the look” that tells you in no uncertain terms you’ve crossed the line and must be punished, vibrators, whips. There are probably more but I’m really just copying this.

Limits: uh, lots of things. Scat play, electrotorture, breaking skin (with the potential exception of tattoos), anything involving being submerged under water, age play, certain humiliation tactics that I can’t think of but would safe word out of. This is obviously not a complete list, haha. Just off the top of my head.

•  16 April 2012  •  5 notes

mcgoats:

getmysugar:

tw: rape, sexual abuse, abuse in general, BDSM, slurs, degradation

I’ve been thinking about it a lot. I’ve been thinking about trust, and my being submissive. I have always, to clarify, been submissive— from the time I started exploring my sexuality, I’ve been submissive.

Since I’ve gone through years of sexual and emotional abuse in general, I’ve definitely eased off the intensity of my kinks, if only because all of my kinks require trust and it’s so very hard for me to trust anyone intimately anymore.

I’ve been thinking about my desire to be dominated and how that’s been fulfilled to some extent recently, and how happy that makes me, because it is is someone I trust 100% to respect my boundaries. It makes it happy and fun again.

I’ve also been thinking about how I like to be degraded, and how certain words are okay, mostly misogynistic slurs that I have reclaimed, like “bitch” and “slut” etc. I’ve been thinking about how those words feel safe and happy with the right people, but feel like danger (and often are danger) from others— and how some words will NEVER be okay, like “fat” or “cow”, because I cannot handle words that describe my size being thrown at me as a negative, and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to handle them in that way.

I’m not sure where I’m going with this, exactly, other than to muse on my own sexual experiences as a submissive who is a rape/abuse survivor. If anyone else has any thoughts or questions, feel free to send me an ask.

cross posting from my sex blog.

•  16 April 2012  •  44 notes

(Source: lovepaincircumstances, via whiskeylovelace)

•  13 April 2012  •  253 notes